Security

What makes you feel secure?  To know that your house has good locks on the doors and windows?  To know that when you put the key in the ignition, your car will start?  To know who loves you?
I think my children feel secure when I get cozy with them.  When I hug them and tell them not only that I love them, but I like them.

 Some days and weeks are hard.  Sometimes the mornings feel like a battleground, especially if any one of the children is short on sleep.  I admit that sometimes I do not enjoy my children.  When I am tired, I feel like I am tolerating them til I can put them in bed at night.  But if I keep my distance when my child throws a screaming tantrum, what does that say about my love for them? It says, "I'll love you when you behave like I want you to."   If I am most carefree when they're in bed, and they do not see me laugh and smile at them, I am withholding some of myself from them.

For one of my children, she feels secure when she knows what is going to happen.  She likes to know what we are going to eat and when. She likes to have her outfit picked out well before she actually needs to be dressed.  I think part of her desire to feel secure plays out in her desire to have control. Ever since she was tiny, I spent every waking moment making sure I knew where she was, what she was doing, and how she was feeling (if I could figure that out!). Now I realize I gradually have to loosen my control and teach her how to be okay with things not going as planned. Trouble is, I'm not even sure I've learned how to be that way! 

For the boys, they feel secure when they know they have food and lots of hugs . They don't like to be rushed and feel secure when I am calm and cheerful. 

For my toddler, security means I carry her as often as possible, and I lie down next to her for a few minutes before she goes to sleep.

 I'm glad growing up doesn't happen overnight. And I'm even more glad that there is Grace.