Have you been wounded? Have you ever tried to press yourself back into service even when you're bent out of shape? Maybe you try to deny that you've been hurt. Or you just want to try to move on.
These were some questions I found myself applying to my life after I broke my finger. In case you didn't hear, on the first day of my trip to the states in July, I tripped and fell in the dark and caught my finger on the bed frame. It was so painful when it happened that I kept waking up to the throbbing and didn't really feel any relief even after pain medicine. I hoped it was fine, and played the piano and even shook hands with a few folks. Cousin Steve said to wrap it, which I half-heartedly did, but then I got annoyed at how much more it hurt, so I unwrapped it.
It took another week at home before I finally went for an x-ray. I was relieved and a more than a little happy to find out it was fractured, and that I should wrap it. But the nurse who did the wrapping had not seen the X-ray so she put a HUGE bandage around it. This not only hurt, but made it almost impossible for me to do anything besides focus on my finger. So distracting!
My bandaged finger also made me very protective of it...not using it, watching it whenever the kids came too close.... Long story short, it started to look like it was going to heal crooked.
I finally got an appointment with the fracture clinic, where I waited two hours to see a surgeon. He very quickly unwrapped my finger, and said, "Go ahead and use the finger. It's fine. It's not going to be crooked, and that swelling will be there indefinitely. Fingers don't like to be broken at the joint."
Use the finger?! I doubted the expert advice I was being given, so I asked to see the X-ray. I was shocked to discover that the finger appeared fine, except for a MINUTE chip out of the joint .
I threw the wrapping in the trash and began using the finger zealously. I exercised it through the pain. It will never be the same, and still hurts, but I don't think about it all the time. The realization that its healing was going to be a process helped me release my need for it to be the same as it was before the accident. The injury was no longer the focus of all my attention.
Just when I thought the finger was mostly better, I hurriedly cut a large onion with a knife that wasn't sharp enough. The onion slipped and the knife cut my broken finger instead. This time the pain was excruciating and very bloody. I not only had to bandage it, but I couldn't get it wet. It needed steri-strips to hold the slice together. Once again, I could only wait for this healing to take its course. I cut a small nerve, which means I have some numbness in my fingertip from now on. Other than that, my finger has almost returned to normal. It's just slightly sore in the joint.
I think something similar happens when our spirits are wounded. Sometimes we choose to ignore the hurt, try to forget it, or deny its very existence. Other times, we focus so much on it that there's nothing else we can see. Admitting and recognizing that we have been hurt is the first step toward healing, but sometimes that process is unpleasant and messy.
Only after we see the situation for what it is can we begin to move toward peaceful acceptance. Whether or not we see change is not our responsibility. Our reaction is the only aspect we can control. There will come a time when the hurt doesn't feel as raw. But we will never be the same.
Only after we see the situation for what it is can we begin to move toward peaceful acceptance. Whether or not we see change is not our responsibility. Our reaction is the only aspect we can control. There will come a time when the hurt doesn't feel as raw. But we will never be the same.
